You Done Goofed, Gilbert
by sheepamongtheothers
Summary: being the only two left in the meeting room, Canada begins to notice Prussia's strange behaviour more and more, and then things escalate quickly. What happened to this guy anyways? (CuCan. Knives. Drama. Dinner. How do I make updates with chapters?)
1. Prussia Fucks Up

I guess to start off, you've all head of "That escalated quickly", right? Yeah? Alright. So I'm not exactly a stranger to strange acts of violence, being mistaken for my brother and all almost all the time. But this, this was a weird one. And also scary.

We'd just finished a meeting, Cuba went outside first to grab the car. We usually carpool nowadas, it's easier, and also nice to spend more time with your boyfriend! I was still getting my stuff organized, it was quite a messy meeting today. Lot's of papers thrown. I had one page of my notes crumpled up by Mr. England and thrown at Mr. France, and it looked hard enough to hurt! Guess Dad's still got some power left in his bones. However flattening out my note sheet was a real pain. So I was getting my stuff organized after the meeting, and Prussia stayed behind to help out. He's a real sweet guy, though a lot to handle sometimes. He's kind of like an older, a little more mature America.

But that day, Prussia was acting strange. He was a little more,,, aloof? Disconnected. He'd been zoning out all meeting. I asked if he was fine a few times already, but he mostly just brushed it off with a non-believable "oh, I'm fine, just lack of sleep from work and all!" Non-beleiveable since he's retired. He just sticks around in meetings because he's bored. Sometimes he goes and entertains Sealand and his gang. War stories, climbing this one tree in the front yard, all that stuff kids liked.

It started getting a lot stranger while I was briefly on the phone with Cuba. He'd called to wonder what we should have for dinner.

"I guess we did finish the leftovers we alredy have, maybe just some takeout?" I answered.

"Yeah, but theres no real nutritional value in a lot of takeout! Plus it's Friday, we should go out tonight to relax! My treat." I chuckled and rolled my eyes. He always wants to go out and see if he could guess how restaraunts make their meals. It's an impressive and kind of attractive skill of his. He's incredibly accurate. "I can hear you rolling your eyes, amor. Come on, what's that one resatraunt you're always craving? Swan Challet?" I laughed.

" _Swiss_ Chalet, amour. And I guess we can, if I get to pick the movie to watch when we get home."

"... You drive a hard bargain... But, I'll allow it." I could hear his smile through the phone, and it just made my heart flutter. I didn't even notice Prussia leaning over the table until a sharp breath caught my attention. "... Amor? You alright?"

"Y.. Y-yeah, I'm good," I said, eyeing Prussia. I switched my attention to him, walking closer. "Yo, Gil, you alright?"

"Shut. Up." I took a step back, a little shocked at his sudden hostility. I stumbled over my words, and decided to just stop trying to say anything. I tried getting my stuff in order a little faster, but I dropped my phone and some papers in the process. I think I let myself get a little more fearful than necessary, but there was a very big gut feeling telling me to get out as fast as I can. I heard Cuba through the phone, guess he heard the thump of the phone falling.

"Yo, Matthew, you good?" I scrambled to answer.

"I, uh, I- y,yeah! Yeah I'm alright, just, just, I just dropped my phone and all, no, no biggie." I cleared my throat, which was just getting dryer. I nervously kept looking over at Prussia as I stood up. He wasn't doing anything else other than leaning over the table. Though his grip on the edges made it look like he was about to break it. "Uh,, I'm fine but don't, don't hang up," I said, dropping my voice to a whisper.

"Are you okay? What's going on in there?"

My voice was getting shakier. I kept my voice quiet. "I'm fine, I just, has Gil been acting strange to you lately?"

"Other than that weird leather glove he wore today and called a fashion statement, no. What's going on, what's he doing?"

"N-nothing, nothing I swear I-"

Before I knew it I was forcibly turned around and pushed into the table, the edge of it almost cutting into my back. I yelled out in shocked pain, dropping my phone as the arm holding it was grabbed and weirdly held behind my back, my legs pinned by my attacker's, and before I knew it I was using my only free arm to keep Prussia's knife from slitting my throat. It didnt help that the table was distracting me. I didn't have super strength like America to push Prussia off of me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled through grit teeth.

"SHUT UP! I'm sICK of all the constant shittalking you've been pulling today! You think I wouldn't have listened, huh? Well I heard!" The amount of words that didn't make sense in his sentence threw me off guard. He tried pushing his knife-weiling arm at me again, and it took all my strength to hold it back, however he did nick my cheek.

"I... Don't know what you're talking about! gggAh!" I was forcibly thrown onto the floor and pinned, once again using my only free arm to keep his knife from cutting me.

"Don't play dumb with me, Canada! You always think you're so _nice_ , don't you? You're nice, submissive Canada, you can't do anything wrong! But not anymore! I've caught you!" With a sudden burst of strength, Prussia yanked his weiling arm down and away, landing a sizable slice across my right cheek. And then Prussia was torn off me and thrown to the side. And I was helped up by Cuba, as Mr. Germany had Prussia held against the wall, demanding an explanation.

"East, what is wrong with you?! I assumed you two were friends!"

"Friends my ass! Cuba, ask your shit boyfriend what he said! Ask him!" Prussia was hysterical. Ludwig looked to us for any kind of input.

"What the hell are you talking about, he's been on the phone with me the whole time! Talking about food!" I hastily nodded in agreement. Though I was a little preoccupied with the alarming about of blood coming from the slice in my face. That cut was a lot deeper than I initially thought it was. Though I guess with a quick rinse in the sink it would heal up fine.

Mr. Germany sighed, though not loosening his grip on Prussia. "You two go get cleaned up and get back to your homes. I'll deal with this one. Have a pleasant weekend, you two." We nodded in a silent "you too", and gathered my stuff, walking out. I got most of the blood off my face in the bathroom, though both of our suits were stained. I was right about the cut. Healed up almost instantly with good ol' H2O. Though I could still feel the sting of it.

Cuba and I decided to order and pick up our meal instead of dining in that evening. Movie dinner on the couch, and when we were done, silently leaning into each other as Cuba curled his arm around me, almost protectively. Though I wasn't bothered. Today made me want a little protection. We both fell asleep like that until Mr. Kumajirou woke us up to remind us that sleeping on the couch will give us tall folk bad spines. So we got up, got dressed into sleep clothes, and head to bed.


	2. Prussia Fucks Down

Carlos and I spent the weekend together, as our next meeting was that Monday. But it was an understatement to say we couldn't stop thinking about Gilbert. Carlos was indifferent about feeling anything towards him, but by Sunday he was worrying alongside with me. By the time we worked up to courage to want to call Mr. Germany and check in, the time zones made it too late for us to do anything. So Monday rolled around, and we both walked in, tired from an almost restless night thinking and talking about the incident. Mr. Germany was already there, along with England, France, the Italies and Mr. Spain. As if programmed to do so, Mr. Germany pulled us aside the moment we walked in, with England joining him.

"So, restless weekend?" He said, wearing the same tired look as us. We didn't have to respond, just a nod from us both, and Mr. Germany kept on speaking. "I won't lie, it's not a situation that can be easily explained. It was hard enough trying to comprehend it."

"You sound like Gil's grown a second head, or, or, possessed or something," I exclaimed, a little panicked. "What happened?" At a loss for words, Mr. Germany let England speak next.

"Prussia is fine now, he's been properly treated and is acting a lot more like himself. Though since coming to he's been rambling non-stop about his guilt for what he did to you, Canada, so I think you should be expecting a formal apology from him soon. He's taking the day to recover some more, so he won't be here." With that, Carlos and I simultaneously breathed a sigh of relief. "But..."

"But?" I asked, panic rising again.

"Prussia is fine now, but, I'm still not entirely sure why he did what he did to you. It's preposterous, almost impossible. Boys, this won't make a lot of sense, Prussia... He was hallucinating from an infected dog bite."

"And not just any wild dog who could have rabies," Mr. Germany piped in. "It was one of my own, and she's very much rabies-free."

"Yes, Germany's dog was rabies free, and hallucinations are mostly attributed to rabies-bites. He said he's had the bite for around a month before Friday-"

"Wait wait wait compadres, I am way more than confused here," Carlos spoke up, saying what we were both thinking. "Infected bite? For a month? _What?_ What about our healing? It should have healed up in a few minutes, at _worst_ , after he was bitten."

"Carlos is right," I chimed in. "Obviously Gil is a weird case not technically being a nation, but this hasn't been a problem before."

"It's..." England thought for a few long moments. "I think, it's just.. time. I think Prussia might be running out of it." That shocked the both of us, and Mr. Germany grimaced. He probably thought of this option already. "He's technically been 'dead' for a while, but through some unknown reason he's been able to stick around. Maybe it's his connection with Germany, or maybe he's just too stubborn to die, but I think the reality is is that he's going to have to be running out of time sooner or later."

"It still doesn't explain his actions, though." Mr. Germany was quiet when he said that. He was still grimacing, his jaw clenched, still disturbed at the thought of Gil dying. Mr. Germany was a powerhouse, and matured quickly, but he was still awfully young. He's never been around to witness the permanent loss of a relative. I haven't either, but I remember the days marking England's mother's passing, and how England would spend the day drinking in sadness with his brothers. America and I would spend those days with France.

"I don't quite know the severity of his injury, so maybe the hallucination wasn't too unreasonable of a reaction. But I saw the infection myself, it wasn't that bad, so maybe," England paused, gears in his head spinning and spinning like he had an answer, but wouldn't say it out loud. Soon enough he sighed, and said, "I'm sorry, I'm just not sure what it could be."

"BUT!" We were all startled at Mr. Veneziano's sudden outburst. "Prussia's alright now, so there's no need to worry about why whatever happened happened! I don't even think his upcoming maybe sooner or later death is even a priority thought of his either, so if he's at peace then we have nothing to worry about either!" We all paused. He wasn't wrong, per say. And it looked like even Mr. Germany cheered up just a bit at Mr. Veneziano's sudden input.

"Yo!" Alfred's voice rang high above everyone else's like usual. I didn't even know he'd shown up though. "You dudes done yelling about Prussia? We got a McFreakin meeting to start!" I looked around, and realized almost every nation was here now, and the rest were just coming in. Fortunately, most of them were having their own conversations, and weren't listening to us.

We concluded our conversation, and the meeting started. And when it finished, we packed up, and Carlos and I rode back to my house where we were staying until our absurd meeting-week was finished.

And on my porch was Gilbert. He had himself sitting on the bench, looking nervously deep in thought, but quickly stood himself up once he noticed us pull into the driveway. We got out, walked up the steps, and faced him. Gilbert was at a loss for words. He was nervous, stuttering, opening his mouth to say something but nothing coming out as his thoughts failed to come together into sentences. I was just a little more relieved, and tried to put on a smile.

"Tea?" I asked, walking past and motioning Gil to follow Carlos and I inside. And before long we were seated in the living room, Gil sitting across from Carlos and I, drinking some tea.

"I..." Gilbert started. "I've been thinking about what to say for the past 2 days and I've still come up with nothing. Nothing I could say could explain or excuse how wrong what happened on Friday was. I am so, so sorry about what I did, I, I don't know what came over me, I swear I was awesomely fine that morning. I guess you were probably told about my infection but, it wasn't that bad. Definitely not hallucination-bad. But I guess that that's a moot point, so, if there's anything I can do to, somehow make it up to you, I swear I will do whatever I can."

I paused, taking that all in. It was definitely formal, alright. Too formal. I chuckled just a bit. "Alright Gil, Friday really scared me, I won't lie, but don't get all knight's honour with me. I've honest to god been through worse. I was a target for the witch hunts "

"And I'm usually one to hold a grudge," Carlos added, "that's been my character for a while now, but I think," and he looked at me, and we smiled in a silent agreement. "Take us out for a meal and I think we can put this little *[cuban-Spanish word for situation]* behind us." Gilbert breathed one of the biggest sighs of relief I've ever seen, almost on the verge of tears, and the three of us laughed at the insaneness of the situation as he wiped his eyes.

"I still wish I knew why the whole hallucinations happened though," Gil said. "West tried to get Arthur's input on this, but he came away empty. Though I'm not sure what weird magic could be involved in this." I thought back to this morning, remembering England's long and worrying thoughtful pause. Something was up, and England wasn't telling the whole truth. I'd have to talk about it later with him.

I spoke up with a happier attitude in my voice. "Well, I guess it isn't relevant anymore. You're okay now and the situation's been dealt with! Anyone interested in chilling and putting on a movie?" They both agreed in unison.


	3. England Fucked Up -Epilogue-

It was night now. We cooked dinner at home, saving Gilbert's debt for a later date. Gil had taken refuge on my couch and was out cold, Carlos was changed into sleep wear, kissed me quick and head off to bed. I went outside to make a call.

"Canada? It's 3 in the bloody morning, why in God's name are you calling?"

"Sorry, got held up."

England stumbled in his words. "I.. it's fine, just, what do you need?"

"I don't know what conclusion you came to about Gil," I said, "and, it may not even be important, but, I can tell when you're holding back information. I think you know what happened to him."

"We all know what happened to Prussia. He had a bad bite infection that not treating caused him to hall-"

"England. I need to know what you know, in case something like this happens again. I need to know what weird magic conclusion you've come to. You've never kept magic a secret from me, you know that."

England paused, and sighed. I felt a little bad about my assertiveness. It was too early in the morning for him to have to deal with me. But he spoke up anyways.

"... Okay. Okay. I can't go much into detail, but... I have been looking into something... Something enormous, and what I'm looking into seems to sort of know that I'm looking into it, and they aren't pleased. The infection was real, but the hallucinations may have been caused by someone else. Or it could be completely unrelated to this, maybe Prussia's infection just was that bad, but I'm already working on covering my tracks more efficiently."

"So you were looking into someone else's cauldron and they caught you. And now we have to pay for it?"

"... I'm sorry. I'll be more careful in the future." That answered that. I sighed.

"Well, I guess if there's a third party involved you can't promise it won't happen again, but, thank you for telling me. I'll keep it secret, obviously, no one will know what you don't tell them."

"Thank you, Canada."

"Don't sweat it, just don't get hurt in your magic digging. See you Wednesday."

"You got it, good night." We hung up. I sighed, and went to bed, putting this in the back of my mind.

"Are you alright?" Asked Carlos as I lay down in bed, facing him. He took his hand and brushed a bit of hair out of my face. I wondered if England's decisions might get him hurt, but still kept my thoughts to myself.

"I'm alright." I said with a tired smile. I took his hand and lay it on my cheek. It was warm and comforting.

"Well, on the bright side, your birthday is coming up," he responded cheerfully. I chuckled. I snuggled in closer, comfortable, and soon fell asleep, ready to think about England's magic mishaps another day.

((FUCK sorry for these being so late! I forgot that I had camp after I wrote the first chapter so most of camp was spent writing this, the epilogue, and a couple chapters of a sort of sequel!))


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